Monday, January 4, 2010

When White Weddings become White Whales!

The werewolf is at the age where contemporaries, associates, peers, and friends are starting to get married, en masse. Rest assured, the werewolf has not been afflicted by any such madness, nor will he likely ever succumb to shackles of marriage. Despite all of his misanthropic musings, and skepticism toward modern marriage, he knows some of his recently married friends have found themselves good things. However, for each couple that actually complements one another, there are at least four miserable matches out there. This was highlighted the other day when an engaged couple's website, courtesy of the marriage industry's, was drawn to his attention.

The werewolf is convinced that most women who are his peers have been thoroughly corrupted by what to expect from marriage. Beyond syndicated shows like Bridezillas, Getting Married with the Kardashians, and Say yes to the Dress, which just skim the surface of the social rot around marriage, there seems to be a multi-billion dollar industry around weddings. That's cool, since markets rock, and there clearly is a market for weddings. Yet, it seems like a volume business. In fact, he thinks a hefty percentage of women get married just so they can have a wedding.

Back to the point. The werewolf went to business school with the bride-to-be in the aforementioned website. She made it abundantly clear that her excursion to business school was in pursuit of an MRS, with the MBA being secondary. Tragic. Knowing her was like befriending someone with a split personality disorder. When not talking about her plans for a wedding -she was semi-single for the first year of business school- she could be considered a pleasant, fun, and decent girl. Sadly, that was only about 20% of the time. Even when single, she spent a substantial amount of time wound so tight, fretting about a pending husband and wedding(not marriage), she was liable to spontaneously combust. Her coping mechanisms included the conspicuous consumption of multiple cans of diet coke in quick secession, popping Excedrin tablets like a kid pops Pez, and frowning at anyone who smiled. You can't make this up.

After meeting a guy, who turned out to be a total tuna-fish, and who missed the psychosis she radiates, she quickly shifted all language used around her peers to an engagement/wedding. This was weeks after meeting the guy. She hardly knew him it seemed, yet, she was ready to settle and conform to whatever she thought society demanded of her, with wanton disregard for her own career, happiness, or the reality of who this guy was. It was even worse watching her around him. She would go out of her way to make sure that everything she did conformed to his expectations of her. It's hard to describe, yet, it was disturbing. The girl we once knew had vanished. I distinctly recall being at a friend's wedding shortly after business school, sitting at a table with a diverse group of attendees, with our "aspirational bride" included, and during conservations that had nothing to do with weddings, she'd randomly blurt out "I'M GOING TO GET ENGAGED!" and "I'LL BE MARRIED SOON!" It was so far out of left-field, that no-one knew how to react properly.

The case may be extreme, but I get the sense that my peer from business school suffered from "Ahab" syndrome. Much like how Melville's fictitious seafaring captain Ahab blinded himself to all other considerations while pursuing the "white whale." The pursuit of the "white wedding" had driven her to the same level of blinding insanity. The outcomes of these stories are never happy. Sadly, I think my friend is a mere example from a large population of girls conditioned to think that the wedding is the point, and not a lifetime of building a healthy partnership and family with a spouse. It's all about perspective. Weddings should be afterthoughts, not requisites, to finding someone with whom you can share a life. Ahab led the Pequod, and her crew to destruction. I can't help but wonder, how long before I learn that my peer from business school is planning her second wedding.

1 comment:

  1. This post is hilarious. However, with respect to the Kardashians: is it really worse to be a married Kloe Kardashian married than a Khourtney Kardashian knocked up by a limp dick?