Sunday, March 28, 2010

SAABstory on notice

As he has noted previously, the werewolf is stuck in a rather loveless and stress inducing relationship with an uncooperative 2003 silver SAAB 9-3 he has driven for the last seven years. This automotive beast from Scandinavia is known as the SAABstory. He has likened her to a spiteful and vengeful ex-wife that is out to undermine your bank account at every corner, while simultaneously stressing you out, and rattling your cage for perverse shit-and-giggles. She has no remorse, no emotion, no accountability to anything other than the proliferation of headaches and misery on the werewolf. Lately, the SAABstory, clocking in 93K miles, has begun to show signs of leprosy. The air-conditioning and heating motors crapped out last February in the dead of winter leaving the werewolf to rely on the heated seat feature. There is a flaw in the seal of the passenger door causing a small flood on the floor with each rain. The passenger side floor is beginning to resemble the 9th ward of a post Katrina NOLA.  The CD player is beginning to act ticky and skips when it pleases. On principle, the werewolf refuses to bend over and sink scarce cash into this venomous and vindictive bitch, and he intends to drive her into the bloody ground, yet, she has been trying his patience lately. He would hate-crime her her if could, but sadly, the need to have a modus transportation trumps the righteous blood-lust for the time being. Read it here first, the werewolf is like an elephant. He keeps score and never forgets. When granted the ability for just vengeance an on account of the years this loveless and abusive relationship has subjected him to, he will take his many of pounds of flesh!


  1. Do as any reasonable chap would do: trade her in for a younger, prettier Mercedes Benz.

  2. While the crisp lines and Teutonic precision the Huns sculpt has a distinct allure, I find myself looking to the Orient for my next set of wheels. After this nasty bout with the Swedish clap, a hassle and trouble free mail-order bride from Japan, with a compliant and submissive streak in the form of an Acura, Lexus or Infiti will likely define my next automotive relationship.